Dear diary,
Being sick in bed has given me a lot o time to think, about everything. People are dyeing around me, because of me. If it wasn’t for me dragging Johnny to run away with me, forcing him, to kill bob for me, making us wanted by the cops (so we though), forcing us to get Dally involved, leading us to stay at a church, when that church burnt down killing Johnny, making Dally go off the edge to pull out a gun on the cops, witch got him killed, they would have been alive right now. I keep thinking of that saying “ everything is happening for a reason” but it is just making me feel worse. I like how Darry is acting towards me like how he acts towards soda, it makes me feel like I belong. I’m not sure if he is acting like this because he is thinking of me better or because he knows our days living together might be limited. Now that Randy knows about my family life he just looks at me different and I don’t like it. I wish everyone just acted the same towards me, but I guess its hard after losing two brothers I cant even act the same. I am worried about everyone as they are about me. It is so hard to look at them, all I see is Johnny and Dally and where there places are empty in the gang. Even with the hard loss life has to go on especially gang life. We are thankful that the Socs have laid off of us for a little while giving us time to recoup. But I feel like I am being lazy sitting in bed for this long, I know I have to get better before I come back to the gang life and help.
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