Monday, February 27, 2012

The Outsiders journal entry #8

Dear diary,
          I see it now, I see that things do happen for a reason. I ran away because Darry and Soda needed to see I was my own person and they needed to see wear I fit in and also needed time without me. Johnny came with me because he had to face his fears and how to stand up for himself and others. Doing that he took a life and that is why we brought Dally in this because he needed to learn how to feel, and how to look out for other and see things for the way they are. He also lead Johnny and I  to one of the most important parts of my journey, the church. Because Johnny had learned how to stand up for others, he saved those kids in the church even if it ment taking his own  life. So now those kids can live full happy lives. Johnnys death effected us all and made us look at how much we can overlook someone and take them for granted. His death also made Dally see the reality of his actions, killing him. And because of how hard I took everything thinking it was all my fault, made the doctor talk to the judge and showing the judge how hard thing where for me, she let me off easy and let my brothers and I stay together. Realizing this all wasn’t my fault helped me this the thing I have done wrong and let me fix them in time before bad damage was done. I now see Johnnys deaths wasn’t a just a loss, I was also a gain because we are wear we are because of it and I couldn’t be happier or ask for anything more.

The Outsiders journal entry #7

Dear diary,
          Being sick in bed has given me a lot o time to think, about everything. People are dyeing around me, because of me. If it wasn’t for me dragging Johnny to run away with  me, forcing him, to kill bob for me, making us wanted by the cops (so we though), forcing us to get Dally involved, leading us to stay at a church, when that church burnt down killing Johnny, making Dally go off the edge to pull out a gun on the cops, witch got him killed, they would have been alive right now. I keep thinking of that saying “ everything is happening  for a reason” but it is just making me feel worse. I like how Darry is acting towards me like how he acts towards soda, it makes me feel like I belong. I’m not sure if he is acting like this because he is thinking of me better or because he knows our days living together might be limited. Now that Randy knows about my family life he just looks at me different and I don’t like it. I wish everyone just acted the same towards me, but I guess its hard after losing two brothers I cant even act the same. I am worried about everyone as they are about me. It is so hard to look at them, all I see is Johnny and Dally and where there places are empty in the gang. Even with the hard loss life has to go on especially gang life. We are thankful that the Socs have laid off of us for a little while giving us time to recoup. But I feel like I am being lazy sitting in bed for this long, I know I have to get better before I come back to the gang life and help.

The Outsiders journal entry #6

Dear diary,
          He’s gone, he’s actually gone, I said I had his back and I didn’t and now he is dead because of me! “stay gold” what did that even mean? Did he really think that high of me? Even after I made him run away with me, kill someone for me, hide in a church with me, and wrecked his life? Stay gold is always a nice thing to say. It means that you are perfect in every way and you cant get any better, also to stay that way. He wasn’t just saying stay gold though. He was quoting the poem I read him. But the way it was used in the poem made it seem so much more meaningful. I loved him, and I still do no matter wear he is. He is my brother. I will miss him, but now I know I have someone watching over me, that will help us through this. I am actually surprised on how Two-Bit reacted, I guess he means more to him then I though. He ment more to all of us then we thought. I’ve never seen a Greaser die before i don’t know how we mourn officially, but I am sure I will learn. Hopefully they will grant his wish to stop fighting, he hates it, and I hate it too. I really don’t see the point in it, people just get hurt. Why cant we just look at people foe who they are and not what group they are in. Johnny and I where a lot alike in that way. But now that I am thinking of fighting, I am happy the Greasers won the fight. But what does that lead us to next?

The Outsiders journal entry #5

Dear diary,
Why did he not want to fight? Not only did he not want to fight he also seemed scared to. I dont knowand i cant spend much time thinking about it. all i know is he is holding something back, not only from the socs but from everyone. That does make two of us though, i dont want to fight either. A life for a life, is that what it will take? Will the fighting stop if Johnny dies? i dont think the greasers will allow that, or the socs. It would help if they could greave. but we all have to maintain a touff image. so they wont even emit that they are sad about it. All they will do is get revenge, and thats what they plan to. but who will all die in this revenge act? johnny will die so the doctors say, but why should more people die too? i cant help re-playing his words in my mind, "i wouldnt mined so much if if there wasnt so muchi aint done yetand so maney things i aint seen yet. its not fair!" Hes right it isnt fair. his whole life wasnt fair, having parents that didnt treat him right, being forced into a gange to get what he need, its not fair. And cherry, she wont even see him on his death bed because shes affreade what the socs might say. like Johnnys not scared? whatever, just shows her true colors. i want to help Johnny, help him get through this, but there is nothing i can do except stay at the hospitle with him. what i can say is no matter ware i am or what im doing he is in my thoughts and i will live for the both of us.

The Outsiders journal entry #4

Dear diary,
It feels right, haveing soda and Darry here feels right. i feel safer as well knowing they have my back. Darry wasnt even mad at me. He was just hapy to see me, alive, but where not home yet, not out of the public eye. But even if he is mad at me when we get home, i will glladly take it becaus ei am happy to be home and with the grasers again. Even with all this happyness though i cant stop thinking of Johnny, there is still no word from the doctor or nerse. All i know is he was but badly. We are all really worried about him, not only because of his ingories but also because when he gets reliced he will be vonorabill to the socs. wail we are waiting to hear how he is i notice that Two-bit keeps staring at me and i cant tell why. im not sure if it is bcause he is wondoring if i should be moe respected and feared or beause he hates me for starting this mess and dragging alll of them into it. i am sur i will find out soon enuff though. dispite all the news today, and i know this should be the last thing on my mind but i keep wondoring about Cheery. why would she help us? shes on of them right? did she actually like me? can we trust her? i dont know, and its not my decicion, i have gotten us into enuff trouble. i still wonder if getting us into this helped my rep with the greasers or tour it down compleatly. but i still will find out soon enuff. probley to soon.

The Outsiders journal entry #3

Dear diary,
My hearts still in my stomach, i am compleatly brain washed.i cant even think of anything else.Dally is even carrying a gun! This war must be the worst war the socs and the greasers have ever had! Before, i couldnt wait to leave this church, and now i dont want to leave because it seems safer. I can ee hoe scared Johnny is too. What also bothers me is imm not sure if where a greaser or not, we did leave but they are my brothrs. I am trying to think of my next steps but all i can come up with is hide under my bed. with Darry being mad at me i feel safer under there, then wair he can get me. No matter wair i am i wont feel safe though, in every little fight we have had woth the socs they have won. the only fight the greasers have one is the fight by the foutain with Johnny and Bob.But now it is costing lives, we have to win. No questions asked. I am tring to be optamistic be the hard fact is more people will die. I am trying not to think of who it will be because i know it could verry easialy be a greaser. But the names are still runnung through head, Soda, Darry, Dally, Two-bit, Johnny, steve. It is so hard to think of because they ar all my brothers and i couldn stand to lose any of them. Just because i dont like meny of them doesnt mean they are not my brothers and i love them so. The only sense on seacurity for me is dally. i feel he has taken me under his wing and knowing that is enuff to get me though this. Johnny is dealing with the unsertenty, guestions and guilt by re-reading "gone with the wind". It is a book that helps you through things and get you to look at things in a new perspectof, witch is what johnny needs. I can only imagen how he is feeling, and even that would be hard. He knows that he is the one the socs want the most and the odds of him dieing is the hightest. But he wont, i wont let him. i will fight for him if he cant by himself.

The Outsiders journal entry #2

Dear diary,
Despite all the adventures of today, the one i keep replaying in my head is going to see dally. I dont know why it is stuck in my head. Maybe its because its the specific place Darry tolled me not to go to. Looking back not i find it kind of weird that
I thought of Darry and almost hesitated to go. Darry
does not like me, hes been bossing me around my whole life. Its my turn to be the boss of me! So far so good! i mean i was never involved in murder... but this is the way it is now. I now know for sure i can count on Johnny. looking back i kind of feel stupid doubting him, but when i seen his muscles freeze and the life go out of his eyes and was replaced with fear it was hard not to. I actually havn't thought about it, being drowned. i could have not woken up and not have the difference. It hard to think that a couple of hours ago i was in a big faming and was'nt wanted for helping a murder, and now i have a bible poking me in the ribs wail i am trying to sleep on a peu, But im okay, where both okay. My wonders are keeping me up again like most nights, but tonight my worries are serious. Will i get caught by the police? Are the police even looking for us? When will Dally come get us? The socs, are we main target on their hit list? Or are we feared? One this is sure, Johnny and I will have to stick together and there will be obstacles to overcome.